Pain Control

I was talking to my sister on the phone today, and she was telling me how my 2 year old niece has a fuzzy pink knit hat that she won't let out of her sight, or often, out of her grasp.

*flashback*
I had a fuzzy pink blankie once, that kept me warm and protected me from the zombies. Then one day my grandma decided it was too worn and she re-covered it with another layer of pink fabric, thus destroying its protective zombie repelling powers and turning it from a blankie to a regular blanket.
*/flashback*

All of a sudden, in the background, I hear crying. My sister goes to check on the kids, and comes back laughing.

It seems that my 4 year old nephew fell and started crying, as 4 year olds are wont to do. My niece ran up to him and started petting him with her hat, and said, "Don't cry! Here, do you want to hold my hat? How about a story?"

I've got it figured out.

From now on, when the drug seekers come into my ER, they're gonna get a hat, and a story.

And you thought I didn't care.