Friday, November 23, 2007

Grammar Nazi

I admit it.

I'm a Grammar Nazi.

If you think that there is nothing wrong with the sentence, "Hey MonkeyGirl, that patient in Room 20 needs triaged," then you, too will suffer my wrath.

I also can't stand it when people use the wrong "your" or "to", or the misuse of 's.

And spellcheck exists for a reason, people.

When PEOPLE TYPE EVERYTHING IN CAPITAL LETTERS, I FEEL LIKE THEY ARE YELLING AT ME THROUGH THE COMPUTER. Probably because all of the ass-chewing memos we get from our nurse manager are in ALL CAPS.

but i have to say that one of the most annoying things on earth is 911doc's inability to use the 'shift' key in the comments section. i'm fairly certain that he does it intentionally, because it not only makes me insane, it drives nurse k crazy. and we have mentioned it to him too many times to count.

So it is with great joy that I announce the possibility of a serious win-win situation for MonkeyGirl. This is what was said today in the comment thread of my last post.

Nurse K said...
911--Here's a deal I'm willing to make. Starting from Saturday (tomorrow) until next Saturday, if you consistently use the shift key appropriately as well as appropriate punctuation, I'll come back to blogging. If you agree and succeed, it's a deal. What do you say? Otherwise, if you stay with lower case letters or slip up even with one comment, I'll just keep putzing along as I was previously planning, perhaps returning in 2008, perhaps not.

911DOC said...
It's a deal. I didn't know I didn't punctuate well though! Maybe I'll just be quiet for a week?

Nurse K said...
Nope. That's cheating. Lack of regular commentary will be judged as apathy toward the cause. I was only saying punctuation needed to be good because I wanted to prevent a situation where you'd fix the lower case letters and, instead, rattle my chains by goofing up the punctuation instead. Don't worry, if there's a missing comma here or there or whatever, I won't freak out. Your first comment is excellent. You're well on your way to crass-pollination again.

911DOC said...
Thank you Nurse K.

Nurse K said...
Since you've accepted, I will now open my blog with "the challenge" on there. All these people who keep emailing and demanding to read my archives can be satisfied in the meantime.

MY OWN WOMAN said...
I miss Crass-pollination. I punctuate appropriately most of the time and I use the shift key correctly. I think "mass punishment" is wrong and just because 911 doc is bad, that doesn't mean the rest of us who try to be good little boys and girls should be punished. Mr. 911 doc, please be a good boy so the rest of the world can live better via Crass. Thank you.

Nurse K said...
Feel free to alert 911 if he accidentally leaves a lower case comment. He can always delete it before I find it.

There you have it. If this plays out, I'll get a reprieve from 911's annoying typing habits, and Crass-pollination will be back! Oh happy day!

Fellow Grammar Nazis and Crass-pollination fans-- keep an eye out for 911Doc's comments. You know he's gonna slip up at some point, and Nurse K is like Big Brother. She's freakin' everywhere.

17 comments:

William the Coroner said...

MG

You just don't speak Western Pennsylvania. There is nothing that needs fixed in that triage sentence. If you're from da 'Burgh, that is.

WtC

MedicMatthew said...

I lived in Pittsburgh for a year and in a weeks time I'm moving back there. My only concern is that it will take a lot of Xanax not to shoot those Yinzers that have no understanding of auxillary verbs. Wish me luck!

911DOC said...

Okay, on this we can agree. The eradication of the infinitive (if I remember my grammar correctly) has annoyed the living shit out of me since I first started hearing it about 5 years ago...

"This patient needs admitted."

It clangs in one's ear. It makes the speaker sound like a complete freaking idiot.

However, Dr. Steven Pinker, world-renowned linguist, has little patience for "grammar nazis" as, he argues, language evolves and tends to do it in an efficient manner (The Language Instinct is one of my all time great non-fiction reads). So I guess that dropping the infinitive here may, in fact, convey equal information with less words so what the hell?

It kind of reminds one of, say, refusing to use the "shift" key for traditional rules of capitalization which, no doubt, are well on their way out due to their sheer silliness.

Toodles.

Christine-Megan said...

Oh gosh, all of those things annoy me too.

I have a few classmates whose grasp on the English language leaves much to be desired. "He be 15 years old." Gah!

The challenge sounds awesome, and I look forward to the return of Nurse K.

GuitarGirlRN said...

Oh, me too on all of it. Before coming to nursing I worked in publishing as an editor. I still freelance as a copyeditor sometimes.

My eye's on you, 911!

Ribeye of your Dreams said...

911Doc, don't you dare screw this up!

RagingServer.com

Mousie said...

From someone whose favourite book is "Eats Shoots and Leaves" (yeah, I know...)

Everyone's a winner baby!!!

Nurse K said...

We'll ignore the fact that his "Thank you Nurse K" comment left out an obvious comma. It was only Friday, afterall.

This "needs admitted" and "needs triaged" crap must only be in the South where it belongs.

GuitarGirlRN said...

Another "Southern" grammar-ism that should stay there is the term "ink pen."

What, as opposed to your ink pencil? Your blood pen? Your pen that shoots fireworks?

Anonymous said...

heh.

http://www.onehorseshy.com/highbrow/bad_grammar_makes_me_sic?p=onehorseshy.46737892

911DOC said...

Dear Nurse K,
I dropped the comma on purpose to make the sentence sound like a monotone response. Like a response a scolded child would give to his mom. Oh, by the way, the "needs admitted" abomination first came to my attention when I was working west of the mighty Mississippi.
Affectionately,
Me

PE Mommy said...

ROTFLMAO!!!

Nurse K said...

I just can't get over how much more intelligent and handsome 911 seems now that he's using his shift key. So far, not even 24 hours into the challenge, we've seen shift key usage, proper delineation of paragraphs, and commas used in correct places, with an apologetic letter of explanation after a comma's absence was pointed out.

He's a regular Dr. McSteamy now. The girls will be swooning, trying ever-so-hard to just get a glimpse of his pinky finger.

911DOC said...

Ply me not with your feminine wiles Nurse K! Is it not enough that you have forced me into the painful pinky "shift" maneuver? I am bound to develop a repetetive motion injury and require weeks of rehab and worker's compensation benefits.

Mother Jones RN said...

Personally, I love a man who can get a woman all hot and steamy by using a pinky shift maneuver. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

harbor doc said...

One of the housekeeping crew was very angry about body fluids in the big red garbages. In an attempt to prevent a zealous witch hunt, I suggested signs on the garbages to remind people ('cause surely most offenders were not staff) not to put body fluids in the cans. Now in every room I am assaulted by huge handprinted block print signs reading
"No body" fluids in the trash!
I don't even know what that means. It hurts. I fear I will dare to offend the housekeepers by making proper signs next slow night. Oh the horror of housekeeping that hates you....

911DOC said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.