Saturday, May 19, 2007

Men and their Pee-Pees

I was watching the History Channel for a few minutes before work tonight, and in the space of 15 minutes, I saw commercials for Serenity (male incontinence pads), Cialis (erectile dysfunction), Vesicare (overactive bladder) and Valtrex (genital herpes.)

Now, I am of the opinion that if it relates to feminine hygiene or menstruation, or anything to do with male genitalia, I shouldn't have to hear about it on TV. It makes me crazy.

However, after thinking about it for a moment I decided that they could have combined all four of these commercials and done a Public Service Announcement all at the same time.

*Quirky, obnoxious Enzyte music playing in background*

Meet Bob. Bob was having a little bit of trouble with his Gangster of Love. He had both a going problem and a growing problem. So his doctor prescribed Cialis for the growing problem, and Vesicare for the going problem. And Bob was a happy man.

*Sad, lonely Cymbalta music playing in background*

But Bob went a little bit overboard living it up with his Pocket Rocket. Now he has painful blisters and embarrassing drips after he pees.

*Uplifting, happy Volkswagen music playing in background*

But there's hope! With once-daily Valtrex and Serenity for Men, nobody will be able to tell that Mr. Johnson is purulent and dripping. Bob will soon be back on top of the world, and the ladies will be none the wiser.

Thank God for modern medicine.


CrankyProf said...

Try having to explain the meanings of several of those problems to a five-year-old. All damn four of those commercials ran -- at 6:30 in the evening, while "Miracle on 34th Street" played -- on AMC, over Christmas.

Oh, was I peeved.

Tom said...

Ah, the old reliable dick joke. Works every time! SNL had a spoof commercial that promised to restore "thick, ropy, foamy golden streams" to a man's urinating experience.

Catherine said...

I was thinking of the Mazda zoom-zoom-zoom commercials for some reason.

Ambulance Driver said...

LOL...the Enzyte commercials are my four-year-old daughter's absolute favorite.

Every time the music comes on, she'll say excitedly, "Daddy, it's BOB!!!"

It's just too cute when you hear her sweet little voice mimicking the announcer, "Now, Bob's livin' large and steppin' easy..."

On another note, I found an online penis name generator a few weeks back, so I no longer have to call my wedding tackle a "pee-pee."

The new name? "Beefy McManstick." ;)

Miranda5 said...

Oh. My. God.

You are hilarious, MKG. I'm glad I found you! Incidentally, I've noticed that commercials seem to fall in four basic groups: entertainment, cosmetic, food/drink, and cures.

If I had any money, I'd bet "cures" outweighs the rest.

Just A Midwife said...

Don't forget, "If Bob experiences priapism, an erection lasting more than four hours, he should seek medical attention...after, of course, stopping by the bar to boast to all of his buddies."

SeaSpray said...

LOL and very clever monkeygirl! :)

Mother Jones RN said...

You could have a successful career in the ad business if you ever decided to leave nursing.


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