Thursday, June 28, 2007

Indicator Lights

This is what I need.

In the middle of my forehead, there will be three LED lights. One green, one yellow, one red. They will light up according to my response to what you are saying.

Now, to put it simply, Green means go, Yellow means go, with caution, Red means stop.

Sound familiar? It should. It's really a simple concept. Now, let's try a few examples.

"Hey MonkeyGirl, did you see the game last night? (Green) I swear, there is nothing better than when the Patriots lose. (Green) How've your Chiefs been doing? (Yellow) Don't worry, it's a rebuilding year. (Green) At least you're not a Raiders fan." (Green)

"Hey MG, did you watch Grey's Anatomy last night?(Yellow) Why not? I love that show. That and ER." (Yellow) You should really watch them!" (Red)

"Hey MG, your hair looks cute tonight. (Green) Did you get it cut? (Green) You know, you should go to the salon I go to. (Yellow) You could get these cool, trendy highlights put in, and they could give you a really expensive-looking haircut that would only double the time it takes you to get ready for work. (Yellow) No, their prices are really not that bad. I get my bikini wax done there, too. (Red) Have you ever heard of a Sphinx?" (RED, Dammit, RED!)

"Hey MG, what are you doing on Friday night? (Green) You should go out with us. (Green) We're going to go to dinner at Benihana. (Green) Then we're going to go dancing at The Trendy Club. (Yellow) Drunk Slut, Total Kootch, and Crazy Bitch are going, too. (Yellow) We just need to find a Designated Driver." (Red)

"Nurse, NURSE!" (Yellow) Could you ask the doctor if I can have some more pain medicine for my non-fractured, non-swollen, perfectly-normal-looking, ankle?" (Red)

"Can you help me? (Green) I need to go to the bathroom. (Green) No, I can't get up, my fibromyalgia is hurting my 300 lb body too much. (Yellow) Oh, no, I couldn't use a bedside commode, either. (Yellow) I need a bedpan. (Red) I think I might need to have a bowel movement. " (RED,RED,RED)

"MG, can you work for me on *insert day here*? " (Green)
"MG, do you want to work an extra shift on *insert day here*?" (Yellow)
"MG, can you stay over for 4 hours? They're short on day shift." (Red)

You get the idea. Whenever they come up with the technology, I'm going to be first in line.


CrankyProf said...

Uhm -- perhaps I am displaying my ignorance of things crotch-wax-related, but what, in the name of all Holies, is a "sphinx?"

MarlaQuack said...

I'll be second in line. It seems like this could be very effective in dealing with children. When it is red you are likely to get yelled at.

Constance said...

Good Thursday mroning Monkeygirl,

I like that idea...

But I've got to admit I get completely waxed about once every 2 months just to stay smooth and soft as the proverbial rose petal, and I've never heard of anything called 'sphinx'. What is it ?

MonkeyGirl said...

All your questions about bikini waxing can be answered here.

Nurse K said...

I couldn't use a bedside commode, either. (Yellow) I need a bedpan. (Red) I think I might need to have a bowel movement. " (RED,RED,RED)

"Yeah, and when I'm done could you wipe me, I can't reach back in there..." [Red, red, red with sirens]

mielikki said...

See, I just want my eyes to change color in that pattern. It would simply scare my patients into submission.

Mother Jones RN said...

Great post, MG. It's very colorful:-)

Full-On-Forward said...

Love it MG,

Lets see if I can hit some REDS-

I'm allergic to Toradol, NSAIDS, Immetrex,

How much longer will it be before I'm seen----5th time asking?

Can you call the Percocet Prescription in so I won't have to wait at the pharmacy??

Can you get the Doctor to write out the prescription for Tylenol--IT'S FREE if he will write it out...

Ducking to avoid left hook? LOL

Great Post,


RealisticRN said...

because of you, I may have to call in sick tonight. Upon reading your post, I first aspirated my ETOH (that I was ingesting to drown out all of the negative microbes that seeped into my pores during the past shift...)then, while trying to "fix" my lung problem, I think I may have fractured my elbow on the chair! All this while TRYING to stop laughing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!