Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Jesus Heals

Jesus came to the ER last night.

He was strapped to a backboard, bloody and battered, after he jumped from a moving car.

He was shouting at the top of his lungs, "I am the Lord, Jesus Christ! I see everything!"

All of a sudden he stopped shouting and got a terrified look on his face and screamed, "I didn't see anything! I didn't see anything!"

His full body CT scan was negative.

Ativan and Haldol put Jesus into remission.

Jesus wasn't as fun when he wasn't screaming.

The confused LOL two doors down was praying to Jesus as we tried to get a needle into her 97-year-old veins. I told her he was next door, did she want me to go get him?

When he left for the Psych Hospital in the Big City, the cop asked his nurse if he needed to do anything special for his road rash. She said, "Naw. He'll heal."

To which I responded, "Jesus heals, huh?"

When I got home this morning I found a couple of spots of blood on my scrubs from when pre-Haldol Jesus was flailing around.

How much do you think that G0ldenPalace.c0m will pay for my scrubs with Jesus' blood on them?


Rogue Medic said...

I'd try eBay. A bidding war is what you need.

Nothing like having somebody pay a bunch of money for the vanity of owning your false idol. :-)

Penelope said...

Well . . . I got nothing.

Other than to say: every time I hear the world "fibromaylasia" (sp???) I think of you.


MonkeySister said...

I personally think it's a sign. In your last post you were questioning the existence of God. The next thing we know, He's there, in your ER (ED for WhiteCoat). Coincidence? I think not....


Tina Steele Lindsey said...

I am loving your blog...

Second Shift said...

We had a woman in our ER claiming to be Satan last night. Maybe she and Jesus could do coffee?

Mother Jones RN said...

Can I get an Amen? *snort* Those are my kind of people. Cute story.


Sarah said...

Hilarious story. I'm glad you're back...you were missed.

SeaSpray said...

Funny and sad. Good post. :)

Anonymous said...

I met Jesus in downtown Philly once. He was directing traffic in a hospital gown.

Ed said...

He's not the only diety up to didoes.

Barbara said...

Reminds me of a guy who called himself "god" threatening a trailer park with a knife. Cops bring him in, brother-in-law follows in close stead.

"god" can tell you all about schizophrenia, the medicine he takes for schizophrenia, but what people don't understand, see, is that he really is "god."

Brother-in-law begins to verbalize his frustration and worry, says, "I pray for him...."

"god" slaps his knee in sheer glee. "That's great! You really should talk to me more!"

I nearly rolled off the stool.

Anonymous said...

Was this particular Jesus grateful at all for being strapped to a board for once, rather than being nailed to it?

Pardon me while I go to hell for that one, its been nice here :)

Ativan Side Effects said...

My name is Brian Lane and i would like to show you my personal experience with Ativan.

I am 30 years old .I started taking this drug about 10 years ago to help with some pretty bad anxiety and depression I was having at the time. I started taking a 1mg dose twice a day 1 in morning and 1 before bed. I tapered myself down to .5mg twice a day and then finally was able to get off it for about 3 months this year. I just started taking it in .5mg doses again due to the anxiety and depression resurfacing after 10 years. I dont know if its coming back because I got off the medicine or just that I am having a relapse but I have to honestly tell you that those years in between when I was taking it were the best years of my life. Just be VERY careful not to take this in larger doses.

Side Effects :
sleepiness, addiction It really helped me for what I was taking it for but it was very difficult to stop.

I hope this information will be useful to others,
Brian Lane