A Tip for the Rabble-Rousers in my Town

We all know that God created bars so that single men might have a place to drink. And He created Friday nights so that they might have a time to go to those bars, just like Sunday is for going to church.

Now, everybody knows that sometimes a man might have a bit too much to drink, and may act like a fool or do something dumb, and it's okay, because it's not his fault. It's the alcohol. So of course it's forgiven.

Something dumb like starting a fight in said bar.

Which causes the patrons (and bouncers) at said bar to beat the ever-loving hell outta you. With fists, bottles, and even a barstool.

Which leads to you stumbling out the door in fear for your life and collapsing against your very nice car in the parking lot.

Where a Good Samaritan asks you if you are okay, and when he gets no reply in the affirmative, helps you into your very nice car and drives you across town to the Emergency Room.

Where he pulls up into the ambulance bay and frantically asks for help, and offloads you into our very capable (and now very bloody) hands for care.

And then drives off in your car.

So here's the tip, Rabble-Rousers: Put your mama on speed-dial.

That way, you can call her from the bar after you get beat up, and she can take you to the hospital and stand around in an indignant huff because somebody beat up her baby.

Or, she can come pick you up at the hospital after you get fixed because somebody stole her baby's car.

Or, she can come pick you up at the County Jail when you get arrested for possession when the nurses happen to find a large quantity of a certain controlled substance in your pocket while the police are questioning you about the bar fight.

In any case, you're gonna need your mama.