A Tip for the Homeless in my Town

It's winter time, and it's cold outside. Even if you're homeless, you'd obviously like to be indoors at night.

Some of you may be tempted to abuse utilize the resources of your local emergency room with imaginary medical conditions. A sandwich and a warm blanket goes a long way when it's 20 degrees outside and you haven't eaten today.

But let me share with you a tip that one of your brethren discovered tonight.

You can get a motel room and a hot meal paid for by our esteemed local Police Department if you follow the steps outlined below.

1. Hunker down for the night in the alley behind a local retail business, preferrably hidden from view from anyone that might look down said alley.

2. Wake from your drunken stupor shortly after midnight because you hear the sound of breaking glass.

3. Observe a ne'er-do-well entering the business through the space that used to hold a window.

4. Wait several minutes until the ne'er-do-well exits said business with his hands full of "loot", then take him by surprise and beat the hell out of him, effectively holding him up until the police arrive to check out the alarm.

5. Wait patiently for 15 minutes for the next available unit to come get you to take you to the previously mentioned motel, as this officer will have to transport his drunk, bloody, crying, handcuffed soon-to-be-felon to the ER to have his boo-boos fixed.

That, ladies and gentlemen, is how a homeless man gets a meal and a bed in my town.