Sunday, December 30, 2007

Re: Your Christmas Card

That was the Subject line of an e-mail I just got from my sister. Here is the e-mail. This conversation only happened in her head.

No, I'm not referencing the Christmas card I got from you; I'm referring to the one I sent to you. Yes, I sent you a Christmas card.

"But I never received it."

Yes, I know, but I did send it.

"When did you send it?"

December 17. I mailed it with all the others.

"But I never got it. Are you sure you mailed it?"

Of course I'm sure I mailed it. I drove up to the fancy little blue box outside the post office at the god-forsaken time of 4:25 a.m. on December 17 on my way to work. I was wearing my green scrubs, and I know this because it was an odd-numbered day and the green scrubs are worn on odd-numbered work days. I wasn't late to work that day, I just had to drive really really fast and say prayers that the policemen that might be on duty would be distracted by hookers or donuts or whatever the hell distracts them when they should be pulling over the jackasses that constantly cut me off. Anyway, I digress. Yes, I mailed it. I'm positive.

"Oh. Well, then, where is it?"

It's sitting on my lap as I type you this message. Apparently, I used the wrong address and the post office was unable to deduce by magic brain telepathy where your correct address in Hicksville actually is. Thus, they returned it to me (although, not post-haste, might I add, as it has taken over 10 days to get it back from them) for clarification as to where I want them to stick this.

"Oh. I guess that's ok. I hate Christmas anyway. Um, did you send money?"

No. Instead, I sent you a handmade card that is supposed to make you laugh so hard that you forget all about how cheap I am and instead focus on how very clever I am. Of course, the cleverness factor was just decreased by a power of 10 based on the fact that I didn't send it to the right frickin' address, but the card is clever, none-the-less.

"Oh. Well, before you send it back, will you put some money in it?"

No. Merry Christmas.

As you can see, my sister is very much like me. Too bad she doesn't have a blog.


MonkeySister said...

Sorry. The OTHER sister that isn't as smart, funny, witty, or clever as you has the blog... you know... me... Oh well. I'm the youngest. I'm used to getting forgotten in the shadows of my older siblings. that's why I had cute babies... To make people notice me by way of my cute kids. :)

MonkeyGirl said...


You, too are funny. Your blog, however, is private, or I would link it.


MonkeySister said...

You know we could save all this private mushy stuff for an e-mail. :)

Hugs and Kisses...

Nurse K said...

Your sister's blog could be called Non-Decorative Uterus.

MonkeySister said...

I'll take it under advisement. Thanks. :) However, three kids under the age of 5... My uterus is now only decorative...

SeaSpray said...

You all are funny!