Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Dear Not-Sick Lady in Bed 5

I know that you are here because you need attention. We will give it to you.

I understand that you want medication for your imaginary illness. We will give it to you.

I acknowledge that you just want someone to be nice to you. We can do that, too.

Until you call me and tell me that even though you are perfectly capable of getting up and going to the bathroom, you have shat yourself in the bed, and you expect me to wipe your fat, lazy, shit-covered ass.

All bets are now off. You are on your own.


Spook, RN said...

Contrast that with my 81 year old LOL last night who was deeply ashamed each time she wet the bed because she had bladder incontinence.

I mean, it wasn't her fault - it's not like she was doing it on purpose... and yet, she somehow felt responsible and was mortified that she needed help with something as private as urination.

radioactive girl said...

My mom just had a little more than half of her colon taken out, and she was horrified each time they had to come help her because she hadn't been able to make it to the bathroom in time. I think any sane person would feel embarrassed about it even though they shouldn't.

I'm not sure what would make a person who was able to get there not make an effort! I'm sorry you had to deal with this!

MY OWN WOMAN said...

This post reminds me of the man who put his call light on because he pooped the bed and needed to be cleaned up. This man was self-suffient and able to take care of himself and did so at home.

I asked him, tell me Mr. Patient, who cleans up your poop at home when you poop the bed there. He looked at me and said, I don't poop the bed at home. I asked him, why he pooped the bed here. He replied, "it slipped out."

I looked at the poop, and then him and said. "Mr. Patient, this poop didn't slip out, diarrhead slips out, this poop was deliberately pushed out.

He grinned knowing I was right and knowing I'd clean it up. I said, "Mr. Patient, you're going to have to wait a little while until I can get back and clean this up, there is someone down the hall that needs me."

I left the room until the guilt took over and went back and cleaned him up.

bohica said...

One night we had a guy who was pretty much the same situation. This guy went in his bed and then tried to sit in the sink to do his business. Mind you this was formed, by no means explosive diarrhea or anything. So what did we do? We handed the guy a bucket and cleaner told him to get to cleaning.(thank God it was the charge nurse and doctor that actually had balls...)

ERnursey said...

Here's towels, soap and the sink. Knock yourself out.

Anonymous said...

ewwwww..... Reason #1 I never went into the nursing field. I puke when I smell my OWN puke...much less what I might do when smelling someone else's poo! ewwww....

NocturnalRN said...

I hate when I get these. I usually hand them the supplies and tell them to get to work. I have even handed them the clean linens so they can change the bed too. Crazy, sick people. WHY would someone WANT to have someone else wipe their ass when they are perfectly capable!!!!!????????

GuitarGirlRN said...

When I worked up on the floor, we had a guy who said he was paralyzed on his left side. He would shit the bed and call to be cleaned up, which we did. When he was my patient, I noticed as I was rolling him that he seemed to be "helping" me a little more than someone who was paralyzed on that side should be.

The nursing supervisor came up later that night and I was talking about the patient with another RN. The supervisor said, "What? Mr. X is paralyzed? How did that happen?" I said I thought he came up from ED like that. Turns out the supervisor remembered him because when he first came in he had PARKED HIS CAR on the ambulance ramp and they MADE HIM LEAVE THE ER TO MOVE IT.

The next time he pooped the bed, I left him there until morning. In the morning, he and his bed were clean, and he was sitting on the side of it. He was discharged a day later.