Tuesday, July 3, 2007

The Deli Girl

I was at a grocery store where I normally don't shop, and I stopped at the deli for some sandwich fixin's. I asked the Deli Girl for a pound of their best roast beef.

DG: "Which kind did you want?"

MG: "Whichever the good stuff is. I don't know what you call it here." (Mind you, there are no prices or labels anywhere.)

DG: "Well, the expensive stuff is the Angus Roast Beef."

MG: "OK, then I'll take a pound of that."

DG: "Well, we're all out of that."

MG: "OK, then I'll take a pound of whatever is below that."

The long and tedious process of slicing the meat begins. I swear, she weighed every single slice. 10 minutes later, I finally have my roast beast.

DG: "Here you go. Remember, you want to ask for the Angus."

MG: "But you said you're out of it."

DG: "Yeah, we're usually out of it. But that's the one you want."

OK, so I'm remembering why I don't shop here.

MG: "OK. Thanks."

Fast forward a week or two.

MG: "So, what brings you in to the ER tonight?"

DG: "Hey, we got some Angus Roast Beef in this morning."

MG: "Um, OK, did you come in just to tell me that?"

DG: *dumb giggle* "No, um, I have a, um, I, um, have a rash, you know, down there. And I have, um, you know, this um, smelly stuff coming out. "*dumb giggle*

Ew. I can't ever shop there again. Not that I'll miss it, but I just can't go back there now. I'm not even sure she washed my hands before she touched my roast beast. Oh my God. I ate Gonorrhea. Not just any Gonorrhea. A dumb stranger's Gonorrhea. Not that I would like to eat the Clap from someone I know, either. Aw, Jeez.


Pharmacy God said...

OK, that one about made Coca-Cola shoot out of my nose.

Judy said...

You're making me REALLY glad that the folks at my local deli wear gloves.

Well that and the fact that one of the deli employees was leaving sick the last time I stopped in.

scalpel said...

Is that how they make bearnaise sauce?

CrankyProf said...

So, her beef flaps were basted in their own "secret sauce?"

DW said...

You people, I've had dead people crap on me with out heaving, and I just puked on my keyboard!

Amanda said...

Oh ew, ew, ew, ew, EW!

And they wonder why I consider law school over med school...

Xavier Emmanuelle said...

GAH! Ew ew ew ew ew ew!!

scalpel said...

Where is the Angus, umm, area?

scalpel said...