Monday, June 4, 2007

More Night Shift Fitness

If you are contemplating a new exercise program, and you need a jump start, may I recommend the "Intestinal Virus While Working 4 Night Shifts"? I lost 10 lbs this weekend!

  • Those women out there, try it during your period. The cramps all blend in together.
  • Berry Rain Gatorade tastes better coming up than Fruit Punch X-Factor Gatorade.
  • Calories don't count if you puke them back up.
  • Chocolate does not, in fact, cure everything, Sadly, it makes some things worse.
  • The pizza at the nurses' station at 2 am will not smell the least bit appetizing. Quite the opposite, in fact. It will, however, permeate the entire ER.
  • The 20th person to utter the words,"Why are you so crabby today?" will be subject to the f-word. Repeatedly. In the form of a noun, verb, adverb and adjective all in one sentence.
  • There will be three times as many ambulance patients and admissions, requiring three times as much running around, resulting in an exponential amount of exhaustion.
  • The bathroom will always be the farthest distance away from where you are when you need it.
  • The patients that are not nearly as sick as you will require the greatest amount of care.
  • When, at 0330, there are 6 patients left, and 4 RNs and a tech are sitting at the nurses' station discussing bikini waxes, and you tell the charge nurse that you are going home now, her response will be, "But I don't have a triage nurse!" Like I care? Get one of the bikini waxers to do it.

6 comments:

Fever Dog said...

I had been considering amoebic dysentery as the way to go for my fitness plan, but I think you might have swayed me with this one

(feel better soon, however lame that sounds)

Judy said...

You're a better woman than I am. Last time I got sick at work, I was out of there by 1. No way could I have managed to hold out until 0330.

AND we were getting our second admission of the shift when I bailed on them. Not much use if you're in danger of puking on the patients.

I hope you recover quickly and that the bikini waxers don't catch this on your next shift to work.

hannah said...

You must be geekier!
LOLPWND is a total face-smacking, oh shit, she said that? laughing, jaw-dropping moment that makes you want to throw a knife at someone's head.

And, hey, I have a cane left from some ol' geezer that you can beat your charge nurse with.

I get migraines occasionally and I'll be running to puke in the bathroom in-between checking patients in ("Why are the lights all off?").

I've sucked it up because we're usually way busy and under-staffed for me to go home.

But it's not fucking worth it. So here's the cane. Enjoy.

Catherine said...

Cinnamon Toast Crunch isn't bad coming up either. Sans the milk, of course.

Feel better soon!

911DOC said...

which charm school did you attend? did they give you your money back?

Nurse K, Generic ER Nurse said...

Screw that. I have 226 hours of vacation and 157 hours of paid sick time available, and if my shit's coming out clear, I'll be using those hours right up. Take a break there MonkeyGirl.