Thursday, May 24, 2007


I had a class yesterday. You know the kind. Where you sit for 2-3 hours trying to stay awake, avoiding eye contact with the guy who's talking at the front of the room, lest he call on you to answer one of the rhetorical questions that he feels obligated to have an answer for.

I got there early enough to snag a seat in the back in the room, and apparently I smelled bad, because nobody sat in front of me. Either that or I looked crazy. Which is pretty much just the way people always look around here.

There was a girl two rows up. She was hot. Girls Gone Wild coed hot. She was wearing a white t-shirt and low-rider black capris. Why do I remember this? Because she had a black bra under the white t-shirt. And she was wearing a hot pink thong.

And I spent two hours staring at this girl's underwear completely against my will. My eyes were kidnapped. My brain was turned off. I was unable to look away. I tried to look to the left. But there was a fat guy with plumber's crack to the left. So I had to avert my eyes.


If I look at the guy giving the class, he calls on me. If I look at the plumber, I lose my lunch. If I look at the hot chick, I'm a pervert. I'm screwed!

So I start reading the handout he gave us. It's one page long. It takes 35 seconds to read. So I read it again. And again. OK, that took 2 minutes. I still have an hour and a half.

Hmmm. It's not really hot pink, more of a coral........Yikes! I'm looking again!

Oh Goody. Another handout. Read it 3 times. 2 more minutes gone.

Start looking at all of the cheap art on the wall. Count ceiling tiles. Make shapes out of the stains on the carpet. Do anything but stare at this chick's ass.

AHHHH. The ever-present Power Point Presentation. With the requisite Power Point Handout. Yay! Doodle pages! Lights go down, projector goes on.......

......and all I see in front of me is a hot pink thong. The damn thing is glowing in the dark, I swear to God it is.

I give up. If your underwear is that hard for me to ignore, you obviously want me to look at it. So I did. And so did the other 10 people sitting all around me. I checked. We all had our eyes glued to this chick's butt.

I don't even remember what the class was about.


William the Coroner said...

Staring isn't rude if the person wants to be stared at. Unless, of course, the person doesn't want attention from you. This sort of come here/go away behaviour was big in college.

Miranda5 said...

At least it was a hot ass, not a lumpy one.

Could've been worse.

Judy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Judy said...

I can tell you what the class was about. They made us go.

The class was about how to dress when you work in the hospital. It said nothing about why you should wear a belt (see butt crack) or why low riders are inappropriate with your thongs.

It went into great detail about why you shouldn't wear your party clothes to work and where to wear your badge.

There were slides:

1. Image of immaculately dressed physician with badge clipped to lower edge of jacket-- WRONG.

2. Image of nurse in perfectly ironed scrubs with name badge tucked into her pocket so she wouldn't scratch her patient during transfer -- WRONG.

3. Image of Transport person in immaculate uniform with no badge -- WRONG.

No wonder you were looking at the hot pink thong. You probably wondered how she managed not to make the fashion show.

911DOC said...

it's okay. all women are just two cocktails away from their first 'experiment' with saphhic love. rack it.

Joeymom said...

Hey, I teach one of those classes- and mine are ALL powerpoints, because I teach art history.

But at least I give my students pretty pictures to take their minds off of other people's underwear.