Just a Little Bit......

Scalpel's post brought back a lovely memory of a drunk man and an ATV......

It was 3 am. (Yes. Everything that has ever happened to me in my whole life has happened at 3 am.) We were full to the gills with drunk locals out enjoying the summer weather. That means there were a gazillian people being sutured, splinted, Silvadene'd, and sleepin' it off.

EMS calls in with a single vehicle MCA; ATV into a parked car. He's got an isolated tib/fib from where his foot got caught under the bumper. (Can you say, "OW!"?)

Now, I personally hate tib/fib fractures. In the grand old scheme of things, they are usually relatively minor. But when you're holding traction on that floppy foot to splint it, and you feel the crepitation from the shattered bones.... It just turns my stomach. Gives me the willies for hours afterwards. (Had 4 in one night once. The last one made me puke. Probably the cumulative effect.)

Anyway, EMS arrives, and Upstanding Citizen ATV Rider has obviously been imbibing a wee bit of firewater. I can smell him from the nurses' station as the gurney wheels by 15 feet away. Of course, upon questioning, he has had the usual 2 beers. I swear, they must have been pony kegs.

We do the usual labs, xrays, and a head CT because he fell off the ATV after he snagged his foot, and hit his head. He had a vacuum splint on his ankle, (God, I love those things!) and EMS did a great job of getting and keeping it aligned, so his fiberglass splint was put off until we had a few more sets of hands to help. I was scrubbing asphalt out of his forehead (in my usual gentle manner) when the cops came in to tell him he was under arrest for DUI.

Cute But Mean Chick Cop: "Sir, you are under arrest for operating a motorized vehicle on a public street while under the influence of alcohol.......etc, etc...."

Upstanding Citizen ATV Rider: "But Officer, I wasn't on the street. I was in my yard. You can't arrest me for being in my yard! That's my private property......drunken ramblings about how a man has rights on his own property..."

CBMCC: "Sir, you were involved in a motor vehicle accident in the street. That isn't your property."

UCAR: "But I was only a LITTLE BIT in the street. Damn car shouldn't have been there! It's their fault." (Recall that it was an empty, parked car.)

Discussion ensued about the definition of "in the street", "drunk driving" and after Upstanding Citizen mentioned that it was his "cousin's fault because he gave him the joint", "illegal substances". Discussion deteriorated when Upstanding Citizen began calling the cop various derogatory names rhyming with switch, trike, and mucking blunt.

Ah. Drunks and psych patients. My favorites. And judging from the fact that he went to jail, I guess "little bit in the street" is kinda like "little bit pregnant". It counts for all the way!